Bananas for Bologna

I have about a gazillion facebook friends currently, all of whom I share a close personal bond with. However, I would guess roughly 90% of them do not know my real last name. The reason being because of a media ethics class I took at the University of Minnesota that scared the bejesus out of me. That class taught me that employers not only look at your facebook profile, but they judge you on it, and will without warning fire you for it. From then on Heidi Weitzer ceased to exist, and thus my alter ego, Heidi Bologna was born.

Now when someone learns that my real last name is indeed not a processed meat I tend to get 1 of 2 responses. 1 - Oh geez, that sucks, Bologna is such a cool last name! and 2 - Wha?? Why Bologna?

Why not my friend? Bologna by name is hilarious. If I was ever to meet a Steven Marble-Jack I would have to marry him immediately to complete the sandwich. Bologna the noun isn't so bad either. "Oh man, that's Bologna" really transports me back to the 1930's right along side with the words hoowee and dag nabbit. Bologna the word is just crazy - silent G, A sounds like I or sometimes Y - anarchy. But last and most important, Bologna is not Weitzer. When I get a job I hope it will be because of my amazing talent for wit (and modesty,) and the inhuman ability to rattle off numerous pop culture and writing facts in chronological order, not because I have about 45+ pictures of my kitten, or over 350 wall to wall posts with a Ms. Deanna Radjenovich.

So the last name stays, because aren't we all just a little bit safer with bologna in our lives?